He's got short (SHORT) shorts, a tucked-in T-shirt, hair immaculately parted in the middle. Tube socks and dress shoes. Fading differential equations scribbled in pen on his right elbow. And don't forget that gleaming specimen of a watch on his wrist. 14.9 ounces of gleaming chromium , complete with a compass, radio, and cheese spreader. Who is he? the local homeschooler, OF COURSE. Alas, such is the public perception of those of us who have been blessed (or, from a minority's perspective, doomed) to receive our schooling at home. However, instead of attempting to prove that we are normal (enough people try to do that), I have decided that a better way to expose the myths surrounding homeschoolers is to paint a picture of homeschooling, in the ridiculous way that the public perceives it.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF HABBAKUK ZEIGWEISTER

 Habbakuk stumbles out of bed, careful not to awaken the seven other boys in bed. He starts to unbutton his pajama shirt, but then he remembers that since he is homeschooled, he can just wear his thomas-the-train engine pajamas all day. He tiptoes down the stairs, careful not to step on the two goats nestled on the bottom step. Entering the kitchen, he grabs a bowl of cereal (100% organic, of course), then sits down to knock out some advanced physics. However, he is soon interrupted by the sound of his mother's 12 gauge rifle. A few minutes later, in walks Mom with a fresh possum. "Possum stew for dinner!" she happily announces, then sits down to skin the beast. In walks Habbakuk's Dad. "Helpmate", Dad intones, "The horse is sick. Can I take the twenty-seven-and-a-half passenger van today?" "Oh, I'm so sorry dear," Mom replies, "But I need the van for a field trip to the park. We are going to observe unregenerate homio sapiens in their natural habitat." After a light morning of Trigonometry, Organic chemistry, Calculus, and Greek, it is time for PE. Habbakuk and his 24 brothers and sisters tumble outside and commence a spirited game of duck-duck-goose. A truck rumbles by, its speakers booming country. Twenty-five pairs of wide eyes follow the vehicle unblinkingly as it bumps down the road. "That man was listening to bad music", mutters one of the children fatefully. After lunch, it is time for the field trip. "Now children", Mom warns, " when we go to the park, don't touch the playground equipment. It is covered with germs. I would hate for one of you to die just because we don't believe in vaccines." Habbakuk and his siblings pile into the van, and before they know it, they are at the park."One more thing", Mom adds right before they get out. "If any of the other children or their parents speak to you, don't look them in the eye. Some of them have laser vision..."

Well, it seems pretty ridiculous, but that's how the public sees it. I guess all we can do is act normal, be friendly, and not wear tube socks.